This Friend - Platonic relationship?

i have this friend of mine, lately, i think has shown some interests in me. i dunno...maybe i'm wrong. this friend, since he knew elmo has a girlfriend & stop pursuing me, he started to show or make a move towards me. all this while, we are just friends. i never thought him beyond friend. but, lately, he kept asking me to go out with him. what i'm afraid is he is 5 years younger than me. my  last bf also 5 years younger than me. they are the same age by the way. i don't wanna the same thing happens twice. younger means immature right? i am afraid he will be the same like the last one & turn out to be a total jerk. my last relationship was 2 years ago. i like to think that i am an independent woman. i was wondering, why i never gotta bf who are older than me. maybe, i just go out with this friend & see how it turn out. no string attached. i don't wanna think more than that. i'm afraid, by the end of the day, it's me again who's going to be hurt. what say you? Platonic relationship?

~soledad~

Friends that are no friends

It was soo hurtful until it made me cry when people you thought are your friends totally ignored you & did not treat you as a friend. You are totally invincible in their eyes. We become totally like strangers in front of each other. Maybe what i was thinking before to disassociate myself with this group of people is the right move. Maybe God had shown me their true colours so that i will not waste my time & energy with them anymore. I know my life will be empty in the future with no friends but i must go on & be strong.

I don't want to shed anymore tears for them. They don't deserved it. Today, let just say that it will be my last tears for my so-called friends. If you are my true friends, you will at least say hi or smile at me. I didn't received any these past few days. I never hear any concern from you guys. You guys just totally ignored me. To Sadie, it was always me who become you ears, but you never become my ears. I always listen to your problem when you need advice. When you needed help or asked for something, it's hard for me to refuse you. But, i never ask anything in return or asked you to pay back until you totally forget about it.

Although by withdrawing from this friendship meant i will be alone, i just need to suck it up. All this while, i always been left out from their important activities & outings. They never ever asked/invited me to join them. And, i'm tired to think maybe only I alone who thinks or considers that they are my friends but in actual facts they never treat me as one. So long my so called friends ...

p/s: to Sadie, although i hate to say this...what an opportunist you are. you only needed me when you have problem & when you dont have anyone to turn to. You are fair-weather friend.
to Elmo, no simple hi from you even you walked pass-by me. Oopps!! I forgot. I am no use to you anymore & it's okay to forget about me, right? Besides, you are happy now. My bet...(although your action was hurtful today). I wish that you don't treat me nicely before & i wish that i don't have any feeling for you, so that it'll be easier for me to forget you.

God, i am sorry to say these things about them. I know I dont have a right to judge them. Maybe I am wrong. I just need to let what inside me out. If i dont let them out, they'll eat me slowly & i'll fell depressed. i dont know where to turn to God. Please forgive me Lord for thinking that way..

~soledad~

st#2: Alexandra Burke - Hallelujah

Hallelujah lyrics
Songwriters  : Cohen, Leonard
Singer           : Alexandra Burke

I heard there was a secret chord
That David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do ya?

Well it goes like this, the fourth, the fifth
The minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew ya

She tied you to her kitchen chair
She broke your throne and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Maybe there's a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Is how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya

It's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not someone who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Happy Sunday. May God bless this world with lots of LOVE.
Lord, give me strength & abundance of love, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

~soledad~

::take a bow::

1...2...3...breath in, breath out

(singing to rihanna's song 1st)
Oh, how about a round of applause?
A standing ovation?
But you put on quite a show, really had me going
Now it's time to go, curtain's finally closing
That was quite a show, very entertaining
But it's over now
(But it's over now)
Go on and take a bow
But it's over now


now, you're announcing to the world that you are with this girl
i think i will stop put my hope on you
you really played with my heart well
you trampled my heart
you gave me hope, and you took it away
you've being nice to me
telling everyone i am your 'love'
but at the end of the day
i'm still not good enough for you
i am still not that GIRL for you


i'm sorry, i cannot be happy on your happiness
although everyone wishes you the best
i don't think we can be friends now
i don't think i can hangout with you again
i will leave this group of friends slowly
i don't think we can be in the same cycle of friends anymore
because i cannot face you with her
please, don't say you always like me, if something went wrong
like you did before
i'm afraid i will still hold on to that tiny hope
i don't wanna wait anymore
the waiting has to stopped
with that, i'll take my bow


Dear God, please send me someone to love
someone that will love me unconditionally
i don't wanna be someone's second choice anymore
give me my happiness o Lord.


~soledad~

st#1: Menyesal - Ressa Herlambang

Artist: Ressa Herlambang
Song  : Menyesal

semula ku tak yakin
kau lakukan ini padaku
meski di hati merasa
kau berubah saat kau mengenal dia

reff:
bila cinta tak lagi untukku
bila hati tak lagi padaku
mengapa harus dia yang merebut dirimu

bila aku tak baik untukmu
dan bila dia bahagia dirimu
aku kan pergi meski hati tak akan rela

* terkadang ku menyesal
mengapa ku kenalkan dia padamu

repeat reff [2x]
repeat *

p/s: ST (stands for Song Time). Check the playlist & video!

Not belonging

i don't feel i belong anywhere
i pretend to be happy
i pretend to be cool
i laugh at my friends jokes
it's just the surface of me
but, to tell you the truth, i am hurting inside.


i feel angry
i feel betrayed
i feel used
i feel people taking me for granted
but, i cant help it, because i'm hurting inside.


i want to feel appreciated
i want to be loved
i want to love
i want to feel special
i don't want to always feel lonely
and it's painful, because no one care for me
thus, i'm hurting inside.


~soledad~

He's into you, He's not into you

All this while, all along I knew that this one guy is into me. We've known each other for about 5 years. He told me he likes me (via sms & chatting). He told almost all his friends that he likes me. What keep bothering me until now & this is the reason I did not show my feeling to him is I don't see any assurance or feel secured about his feeling. He's just being loud in front of his friends or dare to make moves when he's around his friends. Ever heard of the phrase "Action speaks louder than words"? This phrase is best describe about this guy. I can only hear about how he likes me from his friends, my friends & when I meet him with his friends, he'll show to the people around us or tell the people around us as if I am his "love". But, when he is alone with me, he become quiet & shows less interest in me. He would not dare to look me into the eyes. It's like I got mix messages from him & he is totally different person when he's alone with me. I think most of people in the office would say that he likes me when ask who does he likes. But, I still don't believe it...

The reason is because he never really shows it to me he really likes me. I keep hearing from his friends that he went out with this girl, that girl. Or I will be seeing him close with girl A or girl B, so where is me in his heart. That what made me skeptical about his feeling towards me. Although I do not show that my feeling is mutual, deep down  I still feel doubtful about his true feeling. I do not feel secured at all. This is why, I never say it out loud because I'm afraid of getting hurt by the end of the day. Sometimes, when I give him some hints about my feeling, he seemed lost so that was a turn off. He doesn't know how to lead. Somehow, I thought he thought that I am not interested at all. You are wrong my friend. It's just I don't see you showed enough of your feeling or were you being sincere enough. You only show it when you are with your friends. Plse don't show your jealousy if I am being friendly or close with other guys.

Today, again I saw pictures of him with this girl taken so closely & in friendly manner. No wonder for these past few days, he did not pay attention to me. Really a turn-off. Sometimes, I wonder if you really like me, you will dare to say it to my face (face to face) that you really like me. Be a man. Maybe He's Just Not That Into Me. I think I will not put my hope that maybe this will work. I guess I should treat him just as it is, not more, bit less.

p/s: Elmo, maybe you thought I am not interested at all but I just wanna see are you man enough to say/talk it privately to me. All this while you only say it when people are around. And, it's kinda like a joke to me. I'm a girl remember? Be a gentleman.

~soledad~

Here's a trailer from movie He's Just Not That Into You starring  Ben Affleck, Jennifer Aniston, Drew Barrymore, Scarlett Johansson, Sasha Alexander, Justin Long, Jennifer Connelly, Ginnifer Goodwin, Kevin Connolly, and Bradley Cooper. Nice message girls.

La solitudine

Never thought that i'll create a blog. The reason i created this blog is bcos i feel lonely deep inside. I feel everyone deserted me & I'm feeling unwanted at the moment. I need a place where i can spill out what is inside my mind & heart. I need some peace of mind. I feel like my spirit is broken & down. Hopefully, this blog can become my hidden place to express what's inside my heart & mind.

~soledad~